“This is one more piece of advice I have for you:
don’t get impatient.
Even if things are so tangled up you can’t do anything, don’t get desperate or blow a fuse and start yanking on one particular thread before it’s ready to come undone.
You have to figure it’s going to be a long process and that you’ll work on things slowly, one at a time.”
ー Haruki Murakami
Have More “Happy”
The past few weeks’ worth of my life have been one of the longest emotional roller coasters I have ever been on.
Maybe that’s why it’s been harder to writeblog do this…
I have resolved to have more “Happy” in my (every day) life and to choose “Happy” than give in to seductions of being all dark, gloomy, and emo (I cringe as I type this, fearing what my students would think having read this about me). (⌒-⌒; )
I had a fun catching up session with T last work holiday. I never realized it’s so fun to talk to another person you haven’t seen from the longest time.
Being a teacher to undergraduate kids (as I fondly call all of the students I handle) is quite the challenge (Hello, Awesome Class! *waves*)
Every day I worry about what they’re learning from me. σ(^_^;)
Every day I pray and hope I inspire them to be a little more.
Just that: “more”.
Be it to be kinder, gentler, braver, funnier or even to be more serious with life.
I pray I inspire them, most of all, like how I would have wanted to be inspired at their age.
After 3AM Thoughts - Love Elitist
I think I am immovable when it comes to being in love.
Love - which I have put on a pedestal and yearned for with all my being - is something I’m too scared to attain.
Too scared that I end up easily breaking anything less than its form.
From now on, I shan’t expect love like that of found in literature; fiction, I say. Foul, my heart cries. Not real, everything else points to. Unattainable for you, something black and childish tells me.
I’ve always wanted to be IN love.
Or whatever that means.
Now, everything I have, this 3-year something relationship? It’s void of love. It’s full of duties and “about time’s” and “must’s.” It’s time-bound and pressured. Not at all easy, not at all flowy and natural.
No wonder I crave for romance.
No wonder I envy new relationships with desire so palpable, it singes people who dare to take a peek.
I’ve given it my all here. It wasn’t enough.
Romance by yourself will always fail.
I think I pretended too well that I convinced myself I was happy.
Damn romance and how it made me an elitist on love - not wanting anything else except for that burning dangerous desire people can’t help but envy.
Damn romance. Damn love.
I am tired, Beloved, of chafing my heart against The want of you;
Of squeezing it into little inkdrops,
And posting it. ーAmy Lowell
How Addicted Are You Being Online?
It’s Day 4 (and counting) of having no electricity on our street. ◡ ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ ┻━┻
I’m not complaining, mind you. Just saying a fact.
Apart from (my) non-activity on social media as of late, I can say that I’m even less productive now since I can’t work through the night doing lectures, preparing quizzes, writing blog posts, or even studying. Not to mention the internet crawl of trolling, stalking, and mindless surfing, too.
Which brings me to The Kareshi’s observation, “is it such a need being online?”
I have a data plan that gives me mobile internet 24/7. I can bet all the money in my wallet (which isn’t necessarily a lot, but you know, making a point there) that a lot of you do, too.
In fact, Happy Birthday messages are sent through WhatsApp these days though I still prefer an SMS (as informal and impersonal as that is); and class groups are now on Facebook - as mine was requested by my student! I grumbled, huffed, and puffed saying that I don’t do Facebook (fact) and the only time I check it is if somebody tags me (fact). - even though I’ve set up a neat Google groups.
But times have changed, boy, have they really changed!
When I think about it, back in college, mobile phones and social networks didn’t rule my life.. (Though SNS will probably not rule my life, nowadays, too, but I’ve observed and experienced changes to be on it) but now, I
bravely admit that my 4S has become a sort of appendage.. a continuation of sorts of my right hand.
So, I write this blog post at 0147H on it as there’s nothing to do at nights like these when I’m up and unable to sleep, thinking about doing the questions I’ll ask my class and all the things I need to do for the week.Life is slower without internet, I’ve found.
And something totally off-topic, I miss having coffee shop conversations I had with friends way back when.